Thursday, 22 May 2008

Indiana Jones and the Cycle Lane of Doom

Having finally got hold of the crystal skull, Indiana Jones was faced by one final challenge: cycling with it along a one-mile section of the A112 cycle lane running between Walthamstow and Leyton.

To his horror Indy saw that the cycle lane at the junction of Hoe Street and Selborne Road had been fenced off, forcing him out into three lanes of traffic.

Once beyond it he thought he was safe. But Indiana Jones hadn't counted on the local Council's indifference to maintenance of its cycling infrastructure. A curtain of green leaves rushed towards him. He knew it was important not to swerve out of the cycle lane because it he did he'd be hit by a red bus...

That wasn't so bad, he thought, as the leaves slapped his cheeks. There was another one coming up almost at once, just beyond the first one. But this one packed a hidden punch: it was of the thorn variety.

Indy suddenly realised that The London Borough of Waltham Forest had double-crossed him. The Council talked smooth Green talk - but it was actually his enemy. And it had prepared a series of traps for him... Some of them looked harmless enough - until his wheels made contact with them.

(Below) Can Indy get past these cars as they move into the cycle lane to cut him off?

The cycle lane was very narrow here. The bus looked harmless enough but Indy knew that the moment he cycled alongside it, it would drift even further into the cycle lane. Or perhaps turn left.

There was another red bus at the Bakers Arms junction. The driver lurched across the cycle lane in a sudden attempt to prevent Indiana Jones reaching the Advanced Stop Line.

He made it! He was safe! He approached the junction with Leyton Green Road. (Below) Suddenly from nowhere a car overtook, stopping in the Advanced Stop Line and signalling left. It was followed by a lorry, which swerved into the cycle lane and also signalled left.

Indiana Jones let them go first. He continued a little further. And just as he thought he was safe he was distracted by the sight of a cycle logo in the cycle lane which had been obscured by tarmac. 'I must report that to the Council, he thought. 'I know they won't do anything but I'll still do it.' And because he was thinking about that he didn't notice the deadly 'contractor's sign trap' which had been placed in the cycle lane. And as he swerved round it he was hit by a lorry. And that was the end of Indiana Jones.