Useful phrases for Romanian cyclists in London

My Romanian is a bit rusty but I think this roughly translates as

Prestigious British science journal The Daily Mail has established that the people most at risk of heart attacks are cyclists. And researchers at the internationally respected Institute for the Study of Crap Cycling in Waltham Forest have established the commonest kind of cycling infrastructure most likely to result in a fatal coronary, as shown here.


Here are some useful phrases for Romanian cyclists visiting London:

Excuse me but there is a car parking bay in my cycle superhighway.

I can see parking for 400 cars but where are the cycle stands?

Can you tell me why the Crown Prosecution Service is not interested in my film of this driver who is threatening to kill me?

Please direct me to the legendary cycling Shangri-La of Waltham Forest.

Help me, please - I need urgently to go to the Netherlands.