Britain to save planet from catastrophe!

Thrilling news. The government has just placed Britain

at the forefront of the global battle against climate change.

The new budget puts the government on target to meet a reduction by 2050 of 80% of carbon emissions compared with 1990 levels. The committee has said that to reach this carbon emissions should be cut by 60% by 2030.

It’s always good to set a target nineteen years in the future. Excitingly, 2030 is just four years after London will have achieved its dazzling cycling target of five per cent modal share, which will have been accomplished almost entirely by strips of blue paint and some rented bicycles.

Yes, things are looking up. As proof of the government’s commitment to walking no less than £371 million has just been spent giving some lucky pedestrians in Surrey a grand day out.

And the good news is you won’t have to give up your car. When Daily Mail readers are rounded up by the vicious Green Police, bear in mind that you can effortlessly escape this kind of persecution by using ‘clean diesel’.