Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

Novelist and Independent columnist Howard Jacobson:

Cycling is worse than futile, it is malevolent. Not a day goes by, unless I cower in my house and lock all the doors, when I am not put in danger by cyclists – whether it's cyclists riding the pavement, jumping the lights, weaving between pedestrians and traffic, overtaking on the inside, chaining their bikes where they are bound to cause obstruction, abusing and on occasions threatening me for pointing out any of these infractions to them, or just adding to our stock of vexations by their carbon-free complacency. For holier-than-thou smugness, only a mother breastfeeding in a public space beats a cyclist.

(Seek professional help, Howard! That bit at the end about breastfeeding is the giveaway!)