On Friday I saw a man jump off a high building into a London street. This is a perfectly harmless activity and I would urge you all to give it a go.
I saw with my own eyes how the man in the pink suit jumped off the roof and landed quite safely in the street below.
Incredibly, many people have got the totally mistaken idea that jumping off the top of a building is dangerous. In fact anyone can do it.
How many times do I have to keep saying this? JUMPING OFF THE TOP OF A BUILDING INTO THE STREET BELOW IS VERY, VERY SAFE.
I believe that not enough is being done to encourage jumping off the tops of buildings. There are two ways we can tackle this, and I am confident that with the right approach we can get one Londoner in twenty jumping off the top of buildings by the year 2025.
What we need first of all is a promotional campaign to encourage jumping. We need big street posters with messages like CATCH UP WITH THE JUMPING.
We need photographs of a young slim model smiling broadly and with her long hair blowing out behind her as she plummets to the ground, alongside the simple word FREEDOM.
The posters need to be accompanied by a campaign to educate people who have the totally mistaken idea that jumping off a roof is dangerous. The best way of changing people’s minds is through statistics, and statistics prove that it is perfectly safe to jump off high buildings.
FACT: The figures show that every year more people are injured in Britain as a result of gardening than from jumping off a roof. This totally proves how SAFE jumping off a roof is.
But let’s face it, promotion and education are not in themselves enough. We need to address the fears of novices who say that they would be happy to jump off a roof but they think it’s just too dangerous. The solution here is TRAINING.
No one should be allowed to jump off a roof without instruction from an accredited trainer. What we need is free roof jumping training, financed by local councils. With expert training those irrational fears can be conquered and before long the small number of existing roof jumpers will be joined by their partners and children. (However please get the written approval of social services before allowing your child to jump off a roof, as some ignorant and prejudiced people may report you for putting your child at risk. Incredibly, and very disappointingly, some schools actually ban children from jumping off their school roofs.) There are already encouraging signs that a “roof jumping revolution” is underway.
PLEASE NOTE this blog post is not intended to promote self harm. If you are distressed or upset in any way by this blog post please seek medical advice.
CAUTION. Do NOT confuse a harmless practice like roof jumping with others which may appear risk-free but are in fact extremely hazardous.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ATTEMPT CYCLING AS THIS IS HIGHLY DANGEROUS.
FOOTNOTES
1: The man in the pink suit jumped off the roof into Brushfield Street E1. Apparently he was Robbie Williams’s stunt double and was involved in making a rock video for a forthcoming single called ‘Vertigo’.
2: The original plan was to end this post with a Robbie Williams video, but out of respect for our readers’ good taste in music this idea has been dropped. Instead here is The London Cycling Song, suitable for playing at all cycle campaign group meetings throughout Greater London.
