Goodbye, world

Global warming is for ever, some of the world's top climate scientists have concluded. Their research shows that carbon dioxide emitted from today's homes, cars and factories will continue to heat up the planet for hundreds of thousands of years.

Their findings – which contradict a widespread belief that the atmosphere would recover quickly once humanity stopped polluting it – come at the beginning of the most crucial week for the climate this year.

(Don't hold your breath. The expansion of Heathrow, subsidised cheap air travel, more roadbuilding, increased car dependency, the marginalising of walking and cycling - hey, the mass extinction of our species is good for the economy!)