Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Cop this

Policeman on a bicycle

Some people might say it is irresponsible to cycle on grass but this policeman is rightly proud of his role in driving pedestrians from this area, which is next to Hoe Street.

Apparently they were swigging from cans of lager. This could easily have distracted all those drivers passing by on Hoe Street who are texting or making important mobile phone calls.

Funnily enough this patch of grass is right by this (below), where someone ‘lost control’ of their vehicle and ploughed into the railings. But as we know this must have been an accident and drivers can in no way be regarded as ever engaging in anti-social behaviour.

This glorious achievement is rightly celebrated in News from your local police, which came through the letterbox. This fascinating leaflet celebrates a similar crackdown on lager-swillers on Church Hill. Apparently they were sitting on a bench. The solution? “Working with the local authority, the bench was removed.” Excellent! Some people might argue that this was a lunatic solution which punished elderly pedestrians who need benches to sit down on, but that overlooks the fact that old people are a nuisance who should be encouraged to stay in their homes and not venture out and hold other people up in queues at the post office or the shops. It also of course the case that the Council quite rightly has no time for nonsense like benches.

The leaflet also reports on “Driving down vehicle crime”, which is a particular concern of local police commander Mark Benbow. There is nothing worse than people stealing from cars. Speeding, drivers using mobile phones, red light jumping and the unlawful occupancy of Advanced Stop Lines for cyclists are mere trifles compared with a really major crime like someone having their SatNav nicked.

There are some triumphs which came too late for inclusion, alas. Today I saw three cops (or possibly PCSOs) pounce on the saxophonist in the Town Square. This musician has been busking here from time to time for months. Today, London’s finest pounced, took down his details and sent him on his way. The police quite rightly understood that someone playing a musical instrument in a waste of concrete represents a serious threat to society. Unlike, say, those scores of drivers passing by on Selborne Road and Hoe Street chatting on handheld mobile phones, who attract no attention whatsoever from the poilice.